Dry Run
Life is full of surprises? Or maybe life is a miracle? It surely is, doesn’t matter how you call it.
For the past couple of weeks I have been really busy with my University studies as I have only couple weeks left until completing the degree, as well May month is Global Heart Failure awareness month, meaning it is a busiest month for me personally. Finally I managed to get out of a Vilnius city and spend long weekend by the seaside of Lithuania. It’s still my fave place in this country. As I am waiting for the heart transplantation, I am not allowed to leave the country, because of the possible donor match and urgent surgery, so knowing this, my goal until then is to travel around Lithuania and visit as many places as possible. I know already from my global travelling experience that Lithuania is a beautiful country.
We left last Thursday and planned to stay until Monday (yesterday) late afternoon. My friend and I were having a proper chilled mini vacation, although it took me literally 4 days to finally start relaxing. I was tired and exhausted. I needed sleep, good quality food, time for myself, fresh air and the beach, well at least I enjoyed the latter. For sure I knew, my Sunday will be rest day, as always is, we knew the weather will be difficult on Monday, I mean it is beginning of May, but 0 degrees and strong western wind with snow or rain is not fun at all. I was driving, so I needed my rest and Sunday was perfect for that.
I was sat there, in this stunning apartment, on the sofa overlooking the Baltic sea, after great dinner, not expecting anything but the chill. I notice my phone ringing from unknown caller. It looked strange and immediately I thought “Who would need me on Sunday evening” at 7:40PM. When I picked up the phone, the person on the other line introduced himself and then he stated “.. We have a heart donor match for you..” I can’t believe how straight minded I kept the conversation. I explained my situation, that I am away, I need at least 4 hours to reach home, change, shower and then come to the hospital. Luckily, I was given that time. I hung up and said to my friend - “I have to leave immediately, there is a donor match and Im going in for surgery.”
My heart was pounding, we packed and left the apartment in 20minutes, it was already 8:30PM so I knew it will be a long drive and a lot of time for any kind of thoughts running so it was hard to deal with emotions. I had such mixed feelings, it felt like emotional rollercoaster. One second I have cried out of fear going into surgery and post surgery pain, the next second full happiness to actually have a chance of oxygenated and healthy body, another second again thought of THAT being my last hours on this Earth. Crazy.
The drive to Vilnius was beyond difficult due to weather conditions. I haven’t driven in sleet and low visibility in years on top of that I was exhausted, but I knew that I literally HAVE to rush and get back home as quick as possible. That didn’t happen. I drove 350km on 70km/h.
Had I time to think about what is waiting for me? Hell no. I was too focused on the road, my goal was to reach home in one piece.
Arrived home at 12:30AM, packed the things I am taking with me to the hospital, swapped the LVAD batteries had a shower and left. Checked in at 2am. Got blood work and COVID19 tests done - passed, moved to my unit by 6AM and was waiting. No food, no water, no sleep, no rest, no idea what is waiting for me next. Got electrolytes IV, medication prepped, EKG done and was just waiting for the final decisions from my team. By then I felt so calm and in peace. I thought it’s either I’m too exhausted to cope with all this excitement or I just know whatever will happen - will be best for me.
8:20AM - it’s cancelled. Air forces in Lithuania helps hospitals and Transplant Center with donor transportation and the airforce is based in the city, where the weather conditions had a major impact that night. It looked like Christmas, I’m not gonna lie, kids were building a snowman there. They couldn’t guarantee 100% help that early morning leaving my team with last option - road transportation. The time donor heart is without blood circulation is crucial. The longer time, the worse impact to the donor heart. It straight away raised a lot of red flags and risks to my team. We can all agree, this is not the place to take risks.
I talked over with my transplant team, ran couple more tests and was let go. 11AM I was home. In one piece with great story, greater experience and the feeling, that literally it can happen any time. I was taken home by a friend, safe and sound with CubaLibre on my lap to soothe me from the hectic last 15hours.
I haven’t felt sad, I felt in peace. I haven’t felt frustrated, I felt calm.
I know I am protected. I know everything happens for a reason and my time will come. Once again I was proved of how dedicated, supportive, well qualified and professional is my heart failure team.
Will I ever find the words to thank them all?
Love,
Aiste
